Curse

Sam I Are · Sep 15, 2006, 01:07 AM // 01:07

Sam Says:
man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Seissor · Sep 15, 2006, 01:22 AM // 01:22

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together,
discussing how important their children are.

The first Catholic woman tells her firends,
"My son is a priest.
When he walks into a room, everyone calls him "Father"."

The second Catholic woman chirps,
"Well, my son is a bishop.
When he walks into a room, everyone says, "Your Grace"."

The third Catholic woman says smugly,
"Well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal.
When he walks into a room, people say "Your Eminence"."

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence.
The first three women give her this subtle, "Well.....?"

She replies:
"My son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hard-bodied, well hung, male stripper. When he walks into a room, women say, "My God".

--------

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and
on being told that there was a fortune in horse-racing, decided to
purchase one and enter it in the races.

However at the local auction, the going price for a horse was so high
that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he
had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races......

To his surprise, the donkey came in third!

The next day the local paper carried this headline:

"PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS"

The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the

race again, and this time it won. The paper read:

" PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT"

The bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered
the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper
headline read:

"BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS"

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get
rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a
nearby convent.

The paper headline the next day read:

"NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN"

The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get
rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for ten dollars.

The next day the paper read:

"NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00"

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day, the headlines read:

"NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE"

Sasuke The Betrayer · Sep 15, 2006, 01:49 AM // 01:49

Gay Warrior kneels to a Foreign Monk, called Lalo Lalo ( Something liek that)

Gay Warrior:I've loved you ever since I've met you
Gay Warrior:That thing you do with your mouth... is just awesome
Gay Warrior:Suck my nipples like spicy pepporoni
Lalo Lalo: GAY!!! GAY MEN!!!!

Illidan Coldage · Sep 15, 2006, 09:49 AM // 09:49

http://youtube.com/watch?v=IWI-VyZFxhM

extra bacon · Sep 15, 2006, 11:54 AM // 11:54

If you're easily offended by tasteless jokes, please do not read these!

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A guy goes bear hunting in a forest. All of a sudden a black bear ambushes him, knocks the rifle out of his hands, and rapes him. He ends up in hospital for two weeks and vows revenge.

As soon as he's out of hospital he goes back to the forest and tracks down the black bear, shoots it and kills it. He's standing over the dead black bear when without warning, a grizzly bear knocks the rifle out of his hands and rapes him. It takes him two months to recover.

Swearing bloody vengeance he returns to the forest to track down the grizzly bear. Months go by and he finally finds it, shoots it and kills it. Standing over the dead grizzly bear, savouring the moment, he suddenly gets his rifle knocked out of his hands by a polar bear and gets pushed to the ground. Just as the polar bear starts to mount him, he hears it say, "Admit it, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"

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A man is out at sea when a storm hits and his vessel is destroyed. He gets washed ashore a remote island.

The native tribesmen bring him to their chief, who says to him, "Friend, do you want to die, or do you want to bonga-bonga?" Not knowing what bonga-bonga meant but certainly not wanting to die, the man responds, "I want to bonga-bonga." The chief turns to his people and says to them, "Brothers, let's bonga-bonga him!" And all night long they take turns raping the man.

The following night, the man is brought before the chief again. The man is near death and in unbearable pain. Again, the chief asks him, "Friend, do you want to die, or do you want to bonga-bonga?" With his last ounce of strength, the man replies, "I want to die." The chief turns to his people and says, "Brothers, let's bonga-bonga him to death!"

Narutoscryed · Sep 15, 2006, 04:33 PM // 16:33

I dont know about cornball jokes or anything like that.. but i do know that this will either make you laugh or cry.

Sir Skullcrasher · Sep 15, 2006, 05:53 PM // 17:53

Quote:

Originally Posted by Narutoscryed

I dont know about cornball jokes or anything like that.. but i do know that this will either make you laugh or cry.

lol.. i got two words for you... skeet skeet skeet!

Dreikki · Sep 15, 2006, 06:11 PM // 18:11

A man was lost in jungle and after a while of exploring he ment another guy on the jungle.

"What are you doing here?" asked the man.
"I've lost my wife but I know she's somewhere here in the jungle" he answered
"Oh my god, so have I. By the way, what does your wife look like? So if I meet her here in the jungle I can tell her that you are looking for her." said the another man
"Well, she's a bit over 18, brunette, good lookin' nice curves and a virgin. What about your wife?"
"Forget my wife let's find yours" answered the another man and ran into bushes.

Paul Mahdi · Sep 15, 2006, 06:16 PM // 18:16

My second entry:

What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee chord?

My ass

Mrscoombes · Sep 15, 2006, 08:07 PM // 20:07

Cockjoke.

Opeth11 · Sep 15, 2006, 10:51 PM // 22:51

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sir Skullcrasher

lol.. i got two words for you... skeet skeet skeet!

How in the ass is that two?

Hell, if that's a joke, you owe me money >_>

Sir Skullcrasher · Sep 15, 2006, 11:07 PM // 23:07

I got two words for you Opeth!!!

NO WAY!!

Huggy · Sep 15, 2006, 11:35 PM // 23:35

i hope it will make you laugh

Opeth11 · Sep 15, 2006, 11:44 PM // 23:44

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sir Skullcrasher

I got two words for you Opeth!!!

NO WAY!!

z0mg wtf dat counts as 4 werds.

GIVE ME MY MONEY.

quad · Sep 15, 2006, 11:54 PM // 23:54

LOL! I didnt make or take the pictures tho.

IGN: Quad Spiritbinder

Cyan The Archer · Sep 16, 2006, 12:01 AM // 00:01

A wife had supported her husband from the first time they met each other.
Now the husband was at the hospital, very ill and slept alot. Everyday the wife sat next to him at the hospital.
One day when the husband was awake, he asked her wife to comer closer.
"You know what? You have supported me no matter what. When i got fired you supported me. When my company went bankrupt, you didn't leave. When i lost my house, you were by my side. When i became very ill - You still loved me. You know what?"
"No my dear" she said gentle.
"I think that ever since i met you, you have brought me bad luck!"
_____

What do we call a blonde with a brain? A Golden Retriever
_____

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining a wealthy foreign ambassador during lunch at a very expensive restaurant in New York.
The ambassador was so enthralled by the beauty and presence of this secretary that he asked her to marry him. The secretary was startled, but remembered that her boss told her never to insult foreign dignitaries, so she decided to let him down easy.

"I'll only marry you under three conditions."

"Anything, anything," said the ambassador.

"First, you must buy me a 14-karat gold wedding band with a 72 carat diamond, along with a 28 inch studded matching necklace for our engagement."

Without hesitation, the ambassador picked up his cellular phone, called his personal accountant, told him the instructions, and said, "Yes, yes, I buy, I buy!"

The secretary thought that her first request was too easy, so she thought of a more difficult situation.

"Second, I want you to build me a 58-acre mansion in the richest part of the Hamptons along with a 40-acre summer home in the sweetest vineyards of France."

The ambassador picked up his phone, called his personal broker in New York, then called another broker in France, and after his quick conversation, he said, "Yes, yes, I build, I build!"

The secretary was very startled, and knew she must think of a final request that would be impossible to live up to.

"Finally," she said. "I'll only marry you if you have a 10-inch penis."

A sad face befell the ambassador, and he cupped his face in his hands. After weeping in his native language for a few minutes, the ambassador slowly lifted his head and said, "Ok, ok, I cut, I cut!"
_____

Relambrien · Sep 16, 2006, 07:16 AM // 07:16

Here are mine. There is some strong language, but I will do my best to censor it properly. Mods, if anything needs to be further censored/deleted, PLEASE do not hesitate to do so.

Joke 1:

It's the weekend before Thanksgiving, and this seven-year-old boy is walking around his house while waiting for his extended family to arrive. So he goes into his older brother's room, and the brother is playing video games. He dies in the game and says "B-----s and ba-----s!" The little boy asks, "Umm, what's that mean?" and the brother says, "Oh, err...that's another word for 'people.'"

So he goes upstairs to his sister's room, and her cell phone battery dies. She exclaims "C---s!" The little boy asks "Sis, what's that mean?" and she says "Oh, umm, that's another word for 'coats.'"

The little boy continues on, and goes to his father's bathroom where the father is shaving. He cuts himself and says "S---!" The boy asks, "What's that mean, Daddy?" and the father replies "Oh, it's another word for shaving."

So the boy goes down to the kitchen where his mom is getting out the turkey they bought. She drops it on her foot and says "F---!" The little boy asks, "Mommy, what's that mean?" and the mother says, "Oh that's another word for cooking, sweetie." The doorbell rings. The mother says, "Why don't you go get the door?"

The little boy opens the door and sees his extended family. He says, "Hello, b-----s and ba-----s, please come in. You can hang your c---s on the door; my parents will be with you soon. Right now, my dad's s-----ng himself and my mom's f----ng a turkey."

Joke 2:

There are three men who are stranded on an island after a plane crash. They meet up with this group of cannibals who give them a task. If they can complete the task, they will be set free. If they cannot, they will be killed.

The men agree, and the cannibals send them to go find 10 of any kind of fruit. The first man comes back with apples, and the head cannibal says, "You must stick these apples up your butt without making any facial expression at all." The man succeeds twice, but fails the third time, so he's killed.

The second man comes back with blueberries, and gets the same task. He gets 9 berries where they need to be but starts laughing his head off, so he's killed.

The two men meet up in heaven and the first man says to the second, "Why did you start laughing? You were so close!"

The man responds, "I couldn't resist. I saw the third guy coming back with pineapples."

Hope you liked them.

arcanemacabre · Sep 16, 2006, 08:52 AM // 08:52

Helloooo

I'm wearing a fake moustache on top of my real moustache!

Don't touch my stache!

Wasn't that funny?

Now give me some money!

Deadly Martini · Sep 16, 2006, 04:24 PM // 16:24

you can train a noob, but then he'll just be a trained noob

you can take a noob to water, but you can't make a noob drink

I was sad because i had no shoes until i met a man with no feet. I took his shoes, i feel better now.

Noob Demon 1: I know you will be able to download old games onto the revolution, but where will the games be stored?

Me: On the Revolution noob!

Noob Demom 2:I'm getting worried that the graphics in the Nintendo Revolution won't be as good as the XBOX 360.

Me: It's not about graphics noob, it's about gameplay!

Noob Demon 3: You guys are all such noobs. All you do is sit around making stupid threads.

Me: And all you do is reply to those stupid threads instead of letting them die on their own. Why can't you contribute dope? I'm in Noob Hell.

(Noob Hell-When the local Nintendo message boards are filled with rediculously insane threads posted by n00b who know nothing in hell about what they're talking about)

bebe · Sep 16, 2006, 05:03 PM // 17:03

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